Eating Binges

One of the reasons I know I have an eating disorder is that in the past I would often binge eat. It is hard to talk about, not because of the personal nature, but because it is hard to describe how wanting to eat, even when you are not hungry, can take total control of your life. Let me give you some examples.

The only thing that stresses me out is money, and when my student loan came in a year or two ago I was so happy that I wanted to celebrate. As I have said before, I celebrate via eating, and this would be no exception. My mother and brother love pizza with the works, so I told my brother to order a 24 cut pizza with the works while I went to the bank to deposit my check. But while I was out, I was consumed with the idea of eating and as soon as I cashed my check I drove to McDonalds. I ordered chicken tenders, double cheeseburgers, french fries, chicken sandwiches, and oddly enough a diet soda.

I began eating all of this on the way home, but before I reached my driveway I felt a wave of guilt flowing over me. I pulled over at a rest area and thought for a bit, and I realized then that I had a serious problem. I tossed out the remainder of the food and drove home. Immediately when I went home I headed for the bathroom and made myself vomit. My guilt from eating had equaled my desire to eat, and when it was said and done I sat on the bathroom floor wondering what the hell was wrong with me.

That was the time I began to realize that I had an emotional connection to food, and that I needed to do something about it. I wish I could say that I never binged again, but that would be a lie, although I never went as far as I did that one night I got my loan, and I never made myself vomit after binge eating after that.

Realizing that I had an overeating problem was the first step, and I really believe that over the last year I have been weaning myself down from overeating, knowing in the back of my mind that once I was done with college I would begin a life changing diet.

16 days until that diet begins.